Tooth brushing, and very sudden panic attacks

   It seems like every time I tell myself to brush my teeth, it becomes this huge ordeal. I'll be doing what I do best, laying in bed, reading blogs or something equally "productive" and suddenly I just KNOW that I have to brush my teeth. It becomes a completely necessary (not to mention, incredibly SIMPLE) task to accomplish at that very moment, but as soon as my brain tells my body to get up and make the pilgrimage to my bathroom, it seem un-doable. (Is that a word..? Fuck it, it is nao) Let me explain. It's usually like this:
Brain: Wow that was a particularly interesting video about giraffes--HOLY SHIT IT'S FUCKING TOOTH BRUSHING TIME!!! COME ON, LEGS! TO THE BATHROOM!!!!!
Legs: No.
Brain: Wtf, come on.
Legs: LOLOL I SAYS NO SO HA HA HA >:D
Brain: -facepalm-     
(wait...my brain has neither a face, or a palm...hrmmm.)
Brain: I won't make you dance later ;) ;)
Legs:.................alright fine
(Mind you, this is a highly abridged version of the conversation that occurs between my brain and my legs at these moments. On average, it takes about an hour to actually get myself to get up and do it -fail-)
   I finally convince my legs to get up, and my eyes to stop reading words on the screen, and when I do eventually make it to the bathroom (after 20 additional minutes of "OMG CUTE KITTEH LETS PLAY TOGETHAR!!!" in the three-foot expanse between my room and the bathroom), it takes me forever to start brushing those teeth. What do I do in there while avoiding the brushing? Even I don't know. o_o
   It's not even so much that I enjoy not brushing my teeth. In fact, it's kind of an OCD-ish thing. Once I think of it, it must be done, no matter how much my legs and eyes protest. It's just that my legs are stubborn, and they eventually talk my arms into making an alliance with them, and then my brain gets distracted my something shiny and lets my other body parts go willy-nilly.
                                    (really? willy-nilly? I didn't realize I am a sixty-seven year old)
   When I begin this unnecessarily difficult feat, it takes me about five minutes to get the toothpaste on the brush because IT HAS TO BE ON THERE JUST FUCKING RIGHT. Or I'm going to die. Or something. I'm not really sure what my brain insists the consequences are. When I am *brushy*brushy*brushy*-ing, I always pace back and forth in the bathroom, because apparently repetitive brushing motions are really fucking boring. It's almost like I'm waiting on the results of my pregnancy test or something. Wtf. In summary, tooth-brushing is really important, but also very taxing on the health. Or whatever. I dunno, I'm tired.
   Anyways, nao that my lame rant (is it really a rant? This unbiased observer thinks not) is over, I wanted to talk about very sudden panic attacks. Surely I'm not the only one who suffers from this. And I don't mean the curling-up-in-the-fetal-position-in-my-bed-wrapped-up-like-I'm-hiding-from-Serial-Killer-Ted-while-crying-and-hyperventilating-and-trying-to-avoid-vomiting kind of panic attack (though I do get those as well..), I'm speaking of the less-serious I'm-in-a-dark-room-and-I'm-getting-those-chills-running-from-my-tailbone-to-my-neck-and-I-need-to-GET-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-THERE-RIGHT-NAO-slam-the-door-and-breathe-heavily-while-barricading-it-with-your-body kind of panic attack.
   Pretty much every time I leave the bathroom at night, I have to turn the light off (because it would be stupid to leave it on if nobody's in there), and the switch just happens to be conveniently located in the middle of the bathroom. So, inevitably, I have to turn the light off before I'm actually out of the bathroom, and this freaks me the fuck out. I mean...I flip the switch as fast as possible for someone who moves as slow as I do (which is pretty effing slow) and brain is like 'OH MY FUCKING GOD THE GRUDGE GIRL OR THE RATTLE RATTLE MONSTER IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THE SHOWER AND FUCKING EAT YOU HOLY SHITTTTT" (or something like that), so I rush (creepily fast) to my bedroom, and breathe in GIANT gulps of air, with my back pressed to my door until I feel fairly certain that I'm safe from rape-goblins and whatnot.
   Speaking of the shower, I am one of those people who has to dramatically check behind the shower curtain for monsters or murderers every time I enter the bathroom. But in all seriousness...what the hell would I do were I to ever find one???? I mean...I would be right there, face to face with the Swamp Thing, and I'm sure the best I could do is let out a mouse squeak (because for some reason, my screaming capabilities suck ass) and then be consumed and become part of a writhing mass of green and black swamp sludge. And nobody wants that, do they? (....do they? o_O)
   So yeah, I'm not really sure why I decided to write this stupid, and terribly pointless post, but maybe it's because I never post actual posts, I just post lyrics and poems and lame excuses for posts. But what's it matter, ne? No one reads this!! XD but also D':
   OH YEAH. On a side-note..Moisturizer is amazing and feels like a baby angel jizzed on my face and was like "lawls lolol srry lemme wipe that in for ya hahaha kthxbai" and at first I was really pissed (because really, who wants jizz to be wiped on their face? Answer: not me) but then I realized how soft it made my skin, so I was like "Well that's kinda nasty, but s'allright"   
                                            Also, I jizzed on my hair straightener. Wanna see?

Hehehehehe I'm just kidding! I don't have jizzing capabilities~*

-and the audience sighs in a disappointed fashion-

Though that there is some angel baby jizz.

Think about that one.

Why do I say jizz so much?

This is troubling...

Good night! :D