So go listen to it.
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Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls~*
Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf, he is just a toy
But I turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy
That is why I want a coin operated boy
Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend....
Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that I destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy and I'll
Never let him go and I'll never be alone
Not with my coin operated boy......
This bridge was written to make you feel smittener
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didnt think so, but I'm still convinceable
Will you persist even after I bet you
A billion dollars that I'll never love you
Will you persist even after I kiss you
Goodbye for the last time
Will you keep on trying to prove it?
I'm dying to lose it...
I want it
I want you
I want a coin operated boy.
And if I had a star to wish on
For my life I can't imagine
Any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath
Coin operated boy
He may not be real experienced with girls
But I know he feels like a boy should feel
Isn't that the point that is why I want a
Coin operated boy
With his pretty coin operated voice
Saying that he loves me, that he's thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why I want
A coin operated boy.
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Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The KRAZY KRAB!!!!
So, I had a terrible night last night. Everything seemed all good. Dad was passed out, mum and I had a delicious dinner. Around 8:30pm, she tells me that she's going to the casino for a bit. I'm like okay, you know, that's cool whatever. I figured I would just use this time to finish watching Audition. So, she leaves, dad's still sleeping, and I am viewing my movie. Everything was JUST FINE. Literally, right as Audition is ending, I hear dad get up, and go to the bathroom. I'm kinda like ..ffff... but I figure it's still all good. Then I hear the slamming of doors, and I know that my apprehension was not in vain. He slams into my room, asking "Where the fuck is your mother!?" and I tell him of her casino outing. He flips his shit and starts yelling and everything, and tells me to "Get your fucking mother on the phone, NOW!!! >:K " So I am already freaking out, on the verge of a panic attack (this may sound melodramatic for the situation, but you have no idea how much he freaks me out :[ ), and I call and call and call mum, but she doesn't answer. This is when I remember that she doesn't get service at the Thunderbird Casino, because it is too far out of range. Fuck. "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" was pretty much all I remember thinking at that point. If I didn't get her on the phone VERY soon, it was likely that a large portion of his rage would be taken out on me. "FUCK! What do I do!!?"
I called the casino, and asked the mildly confused-sounding lady if she would page my mother over the intercom thing. She pages her and nothing happens, and when the lady comes back to tell me that she didn't respond, I'm already on the verge of tears, and...she notices...and offers to try again. Again, there is no response, and I end up flipping out a bit while the lady is just awkwardly sitting on the other line, not knowing what to do. Poor lady ;[
After that whole thing, I call my mother's phone again, probably like forty times, and I think I left three voice-mails, each one getting progressively moar hysterical. In hindsight, maybe I was over-reacting, but in my head at that point, all that mattered was GETTING MY MOTHER ON THAT FUCKING PHONE, otherwise I would be the focal-point for the night's impending rage-fest. I even texted her twice, knowing that she wouldn't get them until she had service once moar. Ugh.
So, what ended up happening was that I never could get her one the phone, and dad came out of his room. I was standing in the kitchen, phone to my ear, trying to stop crying, so he wouldn't notice. Guess what. He noticed.
I winced when he voiced his question. "What the fuck are you crying for?" My brain was essentially mush at that point, and I couldn't think of any stupid excuse, so I just told him that I was freaked because I couldn't get her on the phone and I figured he would freak out about it. I actually just told him the truth, which I figured HAD to be incredibly stupid of me, and I was almost expecting him to start yelling and throwing shit everywhere, but he was really chill about it (which is kind of creepy in itself), and he said that he had been trying to call her as well, and he couldn't get her to answer either, so he wouldn't be mad that I couldn't reach her. He also said that it wasn't me that the fight would be over, but there will definitely be a "hellacious" fight when my mother returned home. I was somewhat creeped out/relieved at this proclamation (creeped out that he was being so calm, and relieved that I wouldn't be forced to be involved in another one of their fights). So, I in turn, told him that I would be going to bed, as I wanted to be asleep before mum arrived home. He just said "I don't blame you" :l
I was laying in bed, all the lights out, toying with the idea of going online to read some blogs or something, but then it occured to me that I wasn't just saying that to get out of staying in there with him, but I really did want to be asleep before she got home. I NEEDED to be asleep. I figured, if I was able to sleep through the fighting, I could wake up in the morning, and it would be like it never happened. I really do prefer to cope with things in that manner, pretending my life is just words in a storybook. I mean, if it isn't real, it just has to be less painful, right? -hopeful-
I have a really hard time getting to sleep as it is, but when I am freaking out, and having a panic attack ( I would say...the worst one I've had in MONTHS), it's pretty much impossible. I tried everything I could think of to sleep, desperate to just drift away while I still had the time to avoid conflict. I was even reduced to counting sheep. I got up to eighty-six and just said "fuck you, sheep!! >:I" Nothing seemed to be working. Then...just when I think I may be dozing...it starts again. The next twenty or forty minutes (I'm not really sure...) were spent with me crying and rolling over and over in my bed, plauged with mental images of my mother dying in a vicious car wreck, or my cats getting outside and getting run down by a car, blood and entrails littering the road, everywhere. I kept telling my brain SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!!! but it just wouldn't stop...That half-hour felt like an eternity...I still almost cry (not to mention feel the all-consuming urge to do my knocking-on-wood ritual, to ensure their safety..) when I'm just remembering those images..there were so many of them :/
I somehow managed falling asleep last night...and this morning when I woke up (literally, like five minutes after I entered the living room), there was fighting. Why would I think I could avoid this? :(
I called the casino, and asked the mildly confused-sounding lady if she would page my mother over the intercom thing. She pages her and nothing happens, and when the lady comes back to tell me that she didn't respond, I'm already on the verge of tears, and...she notices...and offers to try again. Again, there is no response, and I end up flipping out a bit while the lady is just awkwardly sitting on the other line, not knowing what to do. Poor lady ;[
After that whole thing, I call my mother's phone again, probably like forty times, and I think I left three voice-mails, each one getting progressively moar hysterical. In hindsight, maybe I was over-reacting, but in my head at that point, all that mattered was GETTING MY MOTHER ON THAT FUCKING PHONE, otherwise I would be the focal-point for the night's impending rage-fest. I even texted her twice, knowing that she wouldn't get them until she had service once moar. Ugh.
So, what ended up happening was that I never could get her one the phone, and dad came out of his room. I was standing in the kitchen, phone to my ear, trying to stop crying, so he wouldn't notice. Guess what. He noticed.
I winced when he voiced his question. "What the fuck are you crying for?" My brain was essentially mush at that point, and I couldn't think of any stupid excuse, so I just told him that I was freaked because I couldn't get her on the phone and I figured he would freak out about it. I actually just told him the truth, which I figured HAD to be incredibly stupid of me, and I was almost expecting him to start yelling and throwing shit everywhere, but he was really chill about it (which is kind of creepy in itself), and he said that he had been trying to call her as well, and he couldn't get her to answer either, so he wouldn't be mad that I couldn't reach her. He also said that it wasn't me that the fight would be over, but there will definitely be a "hellacious" fight when my mother returned home. I was somewhat creeped out/relieved at this proclamation (creeped out that he was being so calm, and relieved that I wouldn't be forced to be involved in another one of their fights). So, I in turn, told him that I would be going to bed, as I wanted to be asleep before mum arrived home. He just said "I don't blame you" :l
I was laying in bed, all the lights out, toying with the idea of going online to read some blogs or something, but then it occured to me that I wasn't just saying that to get out of staying in there with him, but I really did want to be asleep before she got home. I NEEDED to be asleep. I figured, if I was able to sleep through the fighting, I could wake up in the morning, and it would be like it never happened. I really do prefer to cope with things in that manner, pretending my life is just words in a storybook. I mean, if it isn't real, it just has to be less painful, right? -hopeful-
I have a really hard time getting to sleep as it is, but when I am freaking out, and having a panic attack ( I would say...the worst one I've had in MONTHS), it's pretty much impossible. I tried everything I could think of to sleep, desperate to just drift away while I still had the time to avoid conflict. I was even reduced to counting sheep. I got up to eighty-six and just said "fuck you, sheep!! >:I" Nothing seemed to be working. Then...just when I think I may be dozing...it starts again. The next twenty or forty minutes (I'm not really sure...) were spent with me crying and rolling over and over in my bed, plauged with mental images of my mother dying in a vicious car wreck, or my cats getting outside and getting run down by a car, blood and entrails littering the road, everywhere. I kept telling my brain SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!!! but it just wouldn't stop...That half-hour felt like an eternity...I still almost cry (not to mention feel the all-consuming urge to do my knocking-on-wood ritual, to ensure their safety..) when I'm just remembering those images..there were so many of them :/
I somehow managed falling asleep last night...and this morning when I woke up (literally, like five minutes after I entered the living room), there was fighting. Why would I think I could avoid this? :(
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Todai, thus far -.-
Remember how last night, I was all
and that was at 3am. So what time did I finally crash??? ugh I passed out at like 7:30am or so. It was ridiculous. I slept until about 10:20am, ate two doughnuts that mummy gave me and went back to sleep at noon. Arose once moar at 3pm and did teh dishes, and kitteh littah. urgh. I hate this responsibility thing. D:
Mum bought a Brita water filter thing, so nao I get to have lots of delicious cold water whenever I want.
-huge drink of mizu-
Anyway, so nao I am very sleepy due to being overfilled on water and sleeping suckishly. I want to take a nap, but I don't think that would be a fantastic idea. Mum would probably shoot me.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
CHOCO FUCKING CAKE!!!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyy!!!!
Chococake at 3am!
You'll keep me awake ne, cake-san!?
nom
nomnom
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMMNOMONMA;SLKHG;AK
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nyanyanyanyan~~*
I had meant to start writing this post a lot earlier D:< Why must I wait until I am nodding off to begin with the writing!?
This is a terrible first entry. ffffffffffffffffffffffff I'll make another one tomorrow yes yes. Maybe. >-> No, yes. I will! -determined face- So my plan for tonight was to stay up ssuuuuuuupppeeeeeerrrrrrr late and get up around 9am. Then I has to be responsible (what with the cleaning and the dishes and whatnot)
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So nao I have this terrible fatigue..but with an extra side of determination to stay up. The way I see it, tonight is my night to stay up and screw around on the internets for as long as I can keep my eyes open...and if I cave in and go to sleep (which would be just w o n d e r f u l !) I would be forced to wait until I complete my tasks later todai. And...that sounds like the opposite of wonderful DDD:
Bahhhh. I need sleep. ffuuu. Okais. Polysics for a bit, a trip to the closet :3 and maybe bed. gah. -no willpower-
aaaahhhhhhhh
Was that spastic light a car driving by? Or was it LIGHTNING!?!?!?!!! O: OHGAWDWTFAHH
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